


i will wake up next to you (if i drink enough)

by watchedyouburn



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, Idiots in Love, M/M, Not Beta Read, This is pure crack, Unresolved Sexual Tension, also buck has adhd thanks for coming to my ted talk, and it went downhill from there, athena and bobby were buck's foster parents then adopted him into the grant-nash family, but they were in COLLEGE, chimney and hen being the cocaptains of the buddie vessel, don't mind me, eddie is still a dad, my mind went what if the buddie dynamic had started off the same..., this has probably been done before but nevermind, this is basically buck being thirsty for like 9k words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:53:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24394567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watchedyouburn/pseuds/watchedyouburn
Summary: Buck hates his roommate on sight.And it has nothing to do with the fact that he's smoking hot, or that he keeps being insufferably nice even though Buck is behaving like the world's worst asshole to him.OR the one where they share a dorm and Buck might or might not have the hots for his cute roommate (spoiler alert: he might. very much so).
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 253





	i will wake up next to you (if i drink enough)

**Author's Note:**

> so... idk how this happened but my brain short-circuited and here we are.
> 
> fair warning there are probably A LOT of innacuracies regarding the us' college system. for starters eddie still has chris bc there's no way chris isn't existing in what i write (even if he doesn't appear in it) and so eddie had him at like, seventeen-ish and i am well aware that there's no way the teenage father of a young child, especially a disabled one, would be able to go to college considering y'all basically have to sell your kidneys to pay for it. but humour me for a second okay and let's pretend the us isn't the hellscape it actually is and everyone has a right to a more-or-less free higher education (which is like. a basic human right but nevermind). also i forgot y'all aren't legally allowed to drink bf twenty-one so i had to improvise lmao. 
> 
> title taken from talia by king princess bc im gay.

Buck hates his roommate on sight. 

And it has nothing to do with the fact that he's smoking hot, or that he keeps being insufferably nice even though Buck is behaving like the world's worst asshole to him.

No, Buck has very valid, very thorough reasons to hate him. And if you ask him what they are, he will tell you. But really, he'd rather you wouldn't because he's a nice person who doesn't talk about people behind their back. But he has really good reasons to hate him, okay? He has all the reasons. 

For starters the guy is super ripped even though they're only eighteen. Like what the fuck? Who's that ripped at eighteen? The only teenagers he's ever seen that are this ripped are the ones on Riverdale and the actors are like. Thirty. So fuck this. 

Then he never goes out. _Never_. Buck will stumble into their dorm at five in the morning on a Saturday and he will be sound asleep or he will get shitfaced with Chim and Hen and the guy will be reading a book or watching a movie or worse, facetiming his family and speaking Spanish. 

Ah, the Spanish. Another thing to hate about him. Eddie's voice drops two octaves and it's all guttural and quick-paced and Buck. Cannot. Stand it. He hates it so goddamn much. 

Really, he has no reasons to like his roommate. None. He says so for the hundredth time to Chim when his best friend has the nerve, no, the audacity, to suggest they offer him to go out with them.

Chim rolls his eyes. "Come on, dude. Don't be that guy. The man's obviously shy and must like you for some obscure reason otherwise he would have asked for a change of dorm room ages ago. Be nice."

Buck huffs. "I'm always nice."

"Not to him, you aren't. What has the poor dude ever done to you to deserve this?"

Buck's mind goes blank as he searches for a solid argument and Chimney just shakes his head, popping his chewing-gum with a pointed gaze, like he knows exactly what's going on in Buck's head.

Buck doesn't blush. He _doesn't_.

"Ok. But you ask him" he grumbles.

Chimney snorts. "No way. You're the one behaving like the biggest dick on Earth. And you're his roommate. You ask him."

Buck groans as Chimney nods pointedly to his own door and Buck gets up from where he was lying on the ground, still mumbling under his breath. He leaves his friend's room grouchedly and drags his feet to his own dorm, hoping to god Eddie won't be there and that he won't have to go through the whole ordeal of having to do this. 

He stands in front of his door for a second, sighs dramatically for good measure and pushes the key into the lock, turning it open. And then.

 _Oh for Christ's sake_ he groans internally.

Eddie's spread on their room's floor, wearing nothing but basketball shorts. Doing _push-ups_ if anything else. He's got his headphones on so he hasn't heard him open the door and he's panting way harder than necessary, if you ask Buck. There's a trickle of sweat running down his neck to his upper back from where the hotness and dampness of late summer nights have him sweating and Buck's mind freezes with the thought that he might want to _lick it_. 

This is fucking ridiculous.

It's only been three weeks since the term started and this has already reached a whole new level of ridiculous.

He wants to punch himself in the face. He also wants those biceps to push him against the wall and those back muscles to carry him into the other's bed. And if that isn't some bullshit right there because Buck hates him. He hates him.

"Hum... erm" he lets out eloquently. 

Eddie stops in his endeavour and looks up at him from where he's still in plank position, all of his back muscles strained with the underlying effort. Buck hasn't moved from the entrance. I'm fact, he hasn't even stepped inside the room yet. He's kind of overwhelmed by the whole skin on display.

"Oh, hi" Eddie says as he gets up, running a hand through his damp hair. Buck's eyes certainly do not follow the movement, or the way it makes his whole torso stretch and shine with lingering sweat. "I didn't think you were coming back. You usually go out for drinks with Chimney on Thursday nights."

Buck's brain is still too stuck on the way Eddie's whole body is literally _glistening_ like he's in some kind of perfume advertising to wonder how in hell Eddie knows about Chimney. Or about his going out habits for that matter.

"Buck?" Eddie asks quizzically. "Is everything okay?"

Buck startles and stares at him like a deer caught in headlights. God he needs to get a grip on himself. "Huh. What? Yeah yeah I'm fine. Everything is fine". _It's not. Haven't you ever learned to wear a shirt like a normal person?_ "You were saying?" he asks, trying to go for nonchalant. He's pretty sure it doesn't work.

Eddie raises a sceptical eyebrow, like he knows exactly what Buck's thinking (and God, isn't that thought mortyfying) but apparently decides against pushing it. "I was saying I thought you'd be out with Chimney tonight."

"I was. I am" Buck stammers. He runs a nervous hand through his hair. "He wanted to... we were wondering if... do you want to go out with us tonight?" he blurts out, a blush creeping up his cheeks.

Eddie eyes him suspiciously. "You want me to go out... with you?"

"Yeah!" Buck responds in earnest before catching himself. "I mean, not just with me, _me_! Chim will be there! And Hen, and Karen, and my big sister and her friend Josh and..."

"Right."

Buck is blushing furiously now. "It's okay if you don't want to! It's just, well. We've noticed you don't go out too much and I know you hang out with that chick from the boxing team, Lena right? But other than that we haven't seen you meeting up with people much. And we thought... huh. We thought it could be nice? Well, Chimney thought so. But I mean, I get it, if you don't want to, you have your own friends and..."

"Okay."

Buck's nervous monologue stops - _thank god_ , he's mortified - and he looks at the other boy dumnfoundedly. 

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I will go out with you tonight. But on one condition" Eddie tells him, his gaze heavy where it hooks itself on Buck's and won't let it go. He takes a step forward to where Buck's still standing half outside their own room.

Buck feels like his whole body is on fire. "Huh. Yeah?" he breathes out, swallowing with difficulties.

"I am not carrying your shitfaced, six foot two ass back to the dorm afterward." He grabs the towel that's hanging behind their dorm room's door and brushes past Buck on his way out. "I'm gonna go grab a shower. Text me the address and I'll meet you there."

Buck nods compulsively and stands there, staring at the spot where Eddie was lying down, half naked, just mere moments ago.

Damn. He's so screwed.

**

The bar is heavy with conversations but not too loud or crowded that they have to shout to hear each other. Buck and Chimney get there first and are soon joined by Maddie and her friend Josh.

Maddie is Buck's older sister but in truth they haven't known each other for a really long time. They got separated early on by the system and by the time Athena and Bobby found him he'd all but forgotten he had an older sister. She's the one who reached out, two years prior, after finding out about him through visiting their biological mother in prison. He's the sole reason she decided to go to UCLA, as she is originally from Philly and could have easily been accepted to the university of Pennsylvania had she wanted to.

Buck loves her. He's so grateful to have her in his life. She's been a grounding force ever since she got to California. His only regret is that as she was already over eighteen when they met so she never got the chance to get a real family like he did when he became Athena and Bobby's first foster child. She rarely talks about her childhood but he knows it was a lot of group home and one family where... well she never went into details, but Buck knows the son, Doug, did something to her because that's were she was until she turned eighteen and ran away as soon as she could.

If he ever meets this guy he swears to God he will kill him.

"Buckaroo! Chimney! Wonderful Maddie and Josh!" Hen shouts over the crowd from where she just entered the place, her 'best friend' Karen in toe.

(They've had the hots for each other for over a year but insist they're _just friends_ and that their hugs and lingering touches and glazing into each other's eyes with stars in them are strictly platonic. They're the worst gay disasters Buck's ever met short of himself and at this point he's just too desperate about their cluelessness to try and talk some sense into Hen).

"How come we don't get the wonderful part too?" Chimney whines, popping his ever-present gum.

"Aww, my friend, that's because it's something you have to deserve."

"We totally deserve it" Buck pouts.

"I'm not so sure about that" a deep, pleasant voice replies. Buck's head snaps up and sure enough, Eddie's standing right in front of them, a smirk playing on his lips. He's dancing from one foot to the other though, the gesture betraying him. The guy's nervous. Buck didn't even think he could be nervous. He's always shown himself to be composed and sensible ever since they've become (somewhat reluctant) roommates.

He's dressed in a pale blue shirt that sits thight around his shoulders and deep navy blue pants. His backpack is slung absentmindedly over one of his shoulders and his hair is still damp from his earlier shower. It looks longer like that, dark brown strands falling in his eyes. He brushes one of them on the side, worrying at his bottom lip. He looks effortlessly beautiful.

Buck's mouth is suddenly very dry.

"Eddie!" Chimney shouts. "So glad you could make it! Come, come sit down!" he adds, patting the booth next to him. He wiggles them both a bit until there's exactly enough space to fit the other man right next to Buck. Buck's currently planning thirty-seven different ways to murder him. 

He hates his friends sometimes.

Eddie's shoulders relax and he grins broadly at Chim. Buck's not jealous the smile isn't directed at him. He's not.

"Thanks for inviting me" he responds, sitting down where Chimney pointed him to. Buck can see him throwing a glance towards him from the corner of his eye as their knees knock together but he purposefully does not meet his gaze. His thigh - the _traitor_ \- moves of its own volution though and slides left until it's pressed against Eddie's. If the dark haired student notices he doesn't say anything.

"And might we know who this fine gentleman is? Buck?" Maddie asks, a glint in her eyes as she stares wickedly at him. She knows who it is. He knows she does. 

_Asshole_ , he thinks, throwing her his darkest look in the hope the insult will make its way to her through cheer will. Her smirk only grow bigger. He hates her.

"Huh" he sputters and starts to cough, choking on his own spit. Great. Now he's making a fool of himself in front of all of his friends. _And Eddie_ , his brain supplies. Jeez. He hates his brain.

Eddie rests a worried hand on his shoulder. "You ok man?" he asks, frowning, as Buck's face turns embarrassingly read. Everyone else is smirking, clearly enjoying the show.

He just hates his friends sometimes.

"Ye... yeah. 'M okay". He ignores Hen's cackle and the warmth currently radiating off his shoulder. He will not survive the night. "Eddie this is Chimney, my sister Maddie, Josh, Hen and Karen" he says, pointing each one of them as he does. "Everyone, meet Eddie. My roommate" he clarifies so they don't try and take this conversation where it does not need to go.

"Oh so _you're_ Eddie. I see" Hen says, looking just like the cat that got the cream. Like she hadn't heard Chimney say so not two minutes earlier. Buck knows he's gonna hate whatever comes out of her mouth next. He throws her a warning look but she just smirks wolfishly at him. "Our Buckaroo over there won't shut up about you."

"He... won't?" Eddie repeats, throwing a confused look his way that Buck purposely ignores.

It's _insane_ how much the cracks and alcohol stains on this table look fascinating all of a sudden.

"Oh yeah" Chimey chips in and for crying out loud, won't they let him catch a break? "He's been going on non-stop about your ab..."

Buck elbows him in the stomach. Chimney yelps and throws him a murderous look. Buck just shrugs imperceptibly. He kinda had it coming.

"What they mean is, I might have mentioned once or twice that I have a roommate who's even more into sports than I am" he says, plastering on his best sweet, innocent smile. It's not a lie, per se. Eddie seems even more keen than him on keeping in shape. But it's not the whole truth either. 

Frankly, he's pretty sure he's been rambling about how much he hates the warm chocolate hue of Eddie's eyes or the dark, low tone of his voice or the way his back muscles flex against the hem of his tank top everytime he exercises in their room - and doesn't forget to put on a fucking shirt - more than anything else.

"Once or twice" Hen snorts under her breath, and he's gonna murder her. He will. Right after he stops feeling the warmth of Eddie's leg pressed against his. 

"Huh. Okay" Eddie says, but he can see the other man looks downright unconvinced and perplexed by the whole thing. He seems to decide in dropping the matter entirely though, and turns to Maddie to ask her questions about what she's majoring in. Buck can suddenly breath again.

 _I will murder you_ , he mouthes silently to Hen when he's sure Eddie's not watching. She has the nerve to grin innocently to him. God, his friends are the worst. 

He really does hate them sometimes.

"So! Who's drinking what?" Josh asks. Buck throws him a thankful look, grateful for the save and Josh grins sheepishly to him. Buck will definitely offer him a shot later on.

"Gin and tonic for Hen and I" Karen says.

Buck opens his mouth, quite ready to make a joke on how they know each other's tastes by heart but then pain vibrates in his whole leg and he has to stifle a yelp. He glances towards Hen and sure enough, the older woman is staring at him with narrowed eyes, quite ready to kick him in a chin again. He sticks his tongue out at her cause he's nothing if not mature.

The others give their order as well and when it's Eddie's turn he raises a dubious eyebrow. "All of you can drink?"

Chimney grins devilishly. "Well Maddie, Hen, Karen and Josh over there are all legally allowed to and then. Fake IDs my dude. Fake IDs made by no other than our Buckaroo over there."

Buck's eyes widen. "Oh shit man. I'm sorry. I completely forgot about that. Didn't even occur to me that you wouldn't be able to drink."

Eddie shrugs. "Eh, don't worry about it. I'm already twenty-one and I don't really drink anyway."

"You _are_?" Buck half-shouts in schock.

"Yeah. You got a problem with that, Buckley?" His tone is defiant, like he's daring him to say something remotely offensive about it.

"N... no. No, off course not" Buck splutters helplessly, blushing furiously. God, he can be such an idiot sometimes.

"I get that" Hen says, smiling sweetly to Eddie. "Buck there got lucky meeting Bobby and Athena but being in the system I had to claw my way through to get to college. Had to work a couple of years right after high school to save up money" she nods.

Eddie looks slightly surprised. "You were foster children?" As he says so, he eyes Buck inquisitively, as though the younger man is a very interesting puzzle he's trying really hard to solve and he just found a new piece that has to make him start all over again. It makes Buck's skin crawl in anticipation.

He shrugs. "Yeah, you know. It's whatever." It's not that he's ashamed of it. It's just that when people first learn about it they get _that_ look and he gets really uncomfortable. He doesn't need their pity. He can fend off for himself. Learned it the hard way.

Eddie just shrugs and drops the subject which - Buck is so thankful for. Their gaze meet and he tries to convey as much. The older boy just grins at him and it fills him with a sweet, subtle warmth Buck never want to let go of. He quietly pushes it aside so it can never be thought about again. 

Their drinks arrive and they quickly resume conversation about student life and classes and the last funny, super relatable vines they've watched. Buck can't help but stir towards Eddie everytime the other man says something and they end up having their small, quiet conversation just for themselves for a little while. Then Chimney screams "shots" and the night gets blurrier by the second. 

At some point he tries to get up to get more shots and sways. He loses his balance and ends up half in Eddie's laps, the older man catching him instinctively as he does, his firm hands on each of his sides. 

"Woops" Buck nods, and then giggles, not feeling even a little bit sorry. He shuffles so he's facing Eddie and grins cheekily to him. "S... sorry."

Eddie is looking at him with amusement and something akin to... fondness? That can't be right though. They've been dancing around each other the entire night, like the other is some challenge they're not quite ready to take on yet, too scared of the fallout. The idea that Eddie finds him likeable enough to feel such a sweet emotion seems laughable. "Time to go, Buck" he tells him, voice soft and carefully poised.

Buck pouts. "No."

Eddie shakes his head and chuckles in astonished affection. Buck melts at the sound and desperately wants to make him laugh like that again. 

"I think you've had quite enough."

"I think _you_ didn't hav' q'te enough" he says smugly, quite proud of his well thought-out comeback.

Eddie chuckles again. _Oh_ , Buck thinks. _Oh_. 

"Trust me, I'm fine." _Yes you are_. "Come on" he adds, applying pressure where his hands are still holding on to his sides, "time to get up."

Buck's face crunches. "You're too responsible."

Eddie's hands are warm against his skin, radiating heat through the layers as he pushes him slightly again and they move to the end of the booth. They get up - not without Buck swaying dangerously again - and Eddie catches him. He smiles at the whole table as his arm comes to rest on the small of Buck's back, steadying him. "I'm gonna bring this one" - he points to him - "back to the dorm before he can do something stupid like order another shot. It was nice to meet you all, I really enjoyed the evening."

Buck can barely make out what the others are saying, his mind enthralled by the feeling of Eddie's strength holding him up. He doesn't miss the way Maddie's smiling fondly at them, or the way Hen's eyes are dancing with mischief. Chimey smiling broadly, raising his glass. "G'd n'ght loverb... ouch!" he yelps, rubbing at his side. Maddie's looking away innocently but Buck's pretty sure she just elbowed him hard. He's also pretty sure he hears Chimney mumble something along the lines of "Jesus Christ, the Buckley siblings and their elbows" but then Eddie's guiding him towards the exit and thousands of sparks are shooting through his back.

The fresh hair hits him like a punch in the sternum and he takes a big gulp of hair, swaying again. "Oh. It's spinning."

"Easy there, Buck" Eddie whispers softly, steadying him once again. "Come on. I'll help you."

Buck lets himself be assisted by Eddie's strong arms as they make their way back to their dorm in comfortable silence. His mind is a bit blurry with sleepiness and alcohol and it's only the loss of contact between them that makes him realise they're in front of their dorm room. Buck tries to not let out a disappointed whine as Eddie fumbles with his keys and opens the door. He might slightly exaggerate his stumble so that the other man will catch him in his arms though but his plan works perfectly so no one has to know.

"Come on" Eddie gruffs, "let's get you ready for bed."

Buck plops face down on his bed and turns around, looking expectantly at Eddie. The older man raises an inquisitive eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Help me with my shoes" he whines. He jiggles his feet from where they're hanging off the bed.

"You're insufferable" Eddie says, rolling his eyes, but croutches down anyway, effectively helping him. "I'm not helping you with your clothes, though. You're handling that yourself" he adds as he hears the shoes fall of with a thud.

Buck pouts but opens his pants himself and wiggles out of them, throwing them blindlessly with a kick of the legs once they're down. He takes off his socks the same way, his toes gripping at the hem and then his feet wiggling until they're falling off, and then twists around until his bed is unmade enough he can slide under the covers. Eddie's staring incredulously at him and Buck looks up innocently. "What?"

Eddie blinks and shakes his head but doesn't say anything. He turns around and starts undressing. "Good night, Buck."

"G'd n'ght" he mumbles, already half asleep. And then, as an afterthought: "y' said y' wouldn't carry my ass... back to th' dorm, but you did." 

And then he passes out.

And so off course he doesn't see the way Eddie's cheeks flare up, nor does he hear the sound of Eddie's phone falling on the floor from where he dropped it in surprise.

**

From that evening on the two of them become pretty much inseparable. They start having breakfast together and then lunch and then Buck will randomly drop by after Eddie's classes to walk him to the next one because he's learned his schedule by heart. They walk close together, shoulders bumping into each other, and get looks and whispers from people as they do. At some point he posts a picture of them playfully throwing falling leaves at each other - Maddie sneakily takes it and his heart beats so hard when she shows it to him he feels he might throw up - and he gets at least ten dms asking him if they're an item and twenty comments telling them they make such a cute couple.

It has Buck wishfully thinking and he knows it's not a good idea but he can't help but test the water and see how far he can take this. He'll 'accidentally' brush his hand against Eddie's or bump their knees together or wet his lips when he knows the older boy won't miss it. He hangs a bi flag off his side of the wall, makes comments about how he definitely has something for red-heads when it's girls and brunettes when it's boys but he just. Won't. Take. A. Hint. Buck's heart grows desperate and he knows he'll have to come to terms with the fact that his new best friend is definitely a hundred per cent straight or a thousand per cent not interested in him specifically eventually. Which - both of those thoughts are really depressing okay.

Buck knows he should apologise, too, about the way he treated him at first. But Eddie hasn't brought it up yet and there's this little thing called pride that keeps getting in the way. Buck wants to, though, cause he knows that even though it's clear the older man hasn't been holding a grudge he deserves to hear it.

Eddie comes to a couple of their nights out but not that many and Buck misses him everytime he's not there, sits sulkily in the booth, nursing the same beer for ages until Chimney slams a shot of something before him and he's reminded he has other friends and he loves them deeply.

A month passes by. Buck's coming back from that one class he really can't follow cause the teacher has a really monotonous way of speaking and his brain will focus on anything but.

(He's even tried to record the class sneakily and listen to it playing the study aid binaural wave frequency in the background but it just won't do.)

He's tired and stressed out and he just can't wait to hit the gym and blow off some steam before going out tonight and he's about to say so to Eddie, whom he knows doesn't have classes on Thursday afternoons and is probably reading or doing dips in their room or something, as he enters their room, when he hears a distorted voice say _feliz compleaños de nuevo, mi nieto_ , and he stops dead in his tracks.

He isn't really good at Spanish, can barely form half sentences after having studied it for six years but he knows enough to know what feliz compleaños means.

" _Dude_! It's your _birthday_? And you haven't told me?" he exclaims and Eddie jumps out of his skin.

"Buck holy sh- huh, I mean, holy molly, sorry abuela - warn a guy before you yell at them" he stammers, a hand on his chest as though the younger man almost gave him a heart attack (he probably did).

"Is that Buck I hear?" the distorted voice asks and Buck strides through the room and leans in towards the computer screen, grinning broadly.

"Hello Mrs Diaz. Looking amazing as always" he greets her, smiling charmingly.

"Oh Buck. You flatter me. Keep it for the youngsters" she coos. "How has my grandson been treating you, _bonito_? I hope he hasn't been too grumpy? He's like his father this way, always grumpy especially when he's hungry. I tell him he's lucky to have met such a nice, fine young man and that don't go and scare him off." 

Buck's grin turns cocky and he throws a glance that says 'she loves me, look at how loveable and wonderful I am' at Eddie.

Eddie rolls his eyes in the background, grumbling something about him being the devil incarnate and having all the women in his family wrapped around his finger.

"Oh don't worry about that abuela, I'm a really good cook. Your boy here is well-fed with me."

He is, actually. Cooking is pretty much the only adult thing he's mastered and can carry out without losing focus or having troubles finding the will to do so. He likes to think it's because it's the one thing that binds him to his foster parents. They might not share the same blood. But the three of them cooking together is a tradition they've carried from his first days in their home until he left two months earlier. He can't wait for Thanksgiving so he gets to cook with them again.

Abuela coos again, turns her gaze to Eddie. " _Nieto_. You keep this one close you hear me?"

Eddie hides his face behind his hand, clearly embarrassed. " _Abuela_ " he whines, and it feels as though they've had this conversation before. Buck wonders what's been said about him exactly and how this conversation came about.

She throws him a stern look. " _Te amo, mijo_. Don't be a stranger, alright?"

Eddie's smile is soft and Buck's heart _yearns_. " _Te amo también_ , abuela. And I won't, I promise."

"And have some fun tonight! Buck, _bonito_ , I'm counting on you to get him out of his head" she adds cheekily ("Will do! Bye abuela!" Buck slips in easily while Eddie groans) before she hangs up.

Buck turns to Eddie, a glimmer in his eyes. "Dude I can't believe it's your birthday and you didn't say anything! Happy birthday!"

Eddie shrugs. "Eh, it's not a big deal."

Buck stares at him incredulously. "Off course it is!"

Eddie shrugs. "I'm not much for celebrating my birthday" he shrugs.

Buck narrows his eyes at him. "Huh huh. No way" he states, shaking his head. "You're going out tonight." It's not a question.

"Buck..."

"Dude come on! It's your birthday you are definitely not spending it alone in your room. Also you've been studying non stop, I've seen you. You deserve a break. And I wanna go out with you! The whole gang does!"

Eddie opens and closes his mouth, at a loss for words. Buck squats down next to where he's still seated and tilts his head up so they're looking at each other. "We don't have to celebrate your birthday if you don't want to. I get the whole hating birthdays thing, trust me. But you really deserve to breathe. Let yourself be carefree. Plus, I made a promise to abuela. You won't hinder me from keeping it will you?"

A startled laugh escapes Eddie's lips. "You're unbelievable."

Buck winks. "I know. But you love me anyway." 

He's certain Eddie's gonna shake his head or roll his eyes or something, or play it off in a bro, manly way, but he doesn't. Instead, a small blush creeps up his cheeks and he stares straight at Buck, his eyes heavy with something Buck's not understanding. "I do."

Buck feels himself fall, hard, and there's nothing to break his fall or brace him for the impact.

"Huh. Hmm" he stammers, always the eloquent one. "Anyways. I'm gonna go hit the gym. I'll meet you up in two hours, okay?"

Eddie nods, the blush almost gone now. "Yeah."

Buck all but scampers out of their room, his heart beating a hundred miles a minute. Shit. Shit shit shit shit.

**

The whole gang, as predicted, is delighted to have Eddie with them.

"Well well, if it isn't mister perfection! Where have you been those past two weeks? Buck's being so exhausting you don't have the energy to go out anymore?" Chim teases, popping his gum.

"Yeah! Finally! We've missed the perfect bone structure and the smart one-liners" Karen jokes.

"Yeah! Why is it Buckaroo who gets all of the fun? Learn to share the man a little! He's like, the only sensible one in this group" Hen adds. 

Buck pouts.

"Well first he's not _that_ sensible, okay. He's actually the biggest drama queen ever. You'd see that if you lived with the guy. Also, he snores." 

Maddie grins, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "Is that jealousy I hear? I though we were past that?"

Chimney nods. "Yeah, she's right. I thought you going from hating Eddie's guts to imprinting on him and following him around like a lost puppy was old news."

That's it. He's finding new friends. For real this time. He hates them all. "I hate you all" he stresses, sitting down. That's when he notices Eddie hasn't moved nor spoken at all the whole time.

He raises his head, throwing him a worried look.

The shorter man is standing there, a confused look on his face, seemingly overwhelmed by the whole display. "I, huh..."

Josh smiles, taking pity on him. "Not used to people being so unabashedly professing their love for you, are you? You'll get used to it. You won't have a choice anyway, now that this gang of mischief has adopted you."

Buck's smile is radiant when his eyes meet Eddie's. "Yeah, exactly. Now stop being so emotionally congested and come sit down."

This seems to get Eddie out of his torpor. "I'm not congested" he grumbles. The whole table erupts in laughter and he doesn't really have it in him to stop the grin that threatens to take over his face. So he doesn't.

Buck's watching him keenly the whole time. _We've got you_ , he thinks when their gazes meet again, trying to convey all the intent behind his own as he does. _I've got you_.

Eddie seems to get it because he nods, his eyes full of gratitude. _Thank you for this_ , he mouthes, and well. Buck's heart might beat a little faster and his cheeks might get a little pinker but really he's just glad Eddie seems happy to be here in the end.

"Just got an A in physics so the first round's on me!" Karen tells the group and everyone cheers, Buck the loudest.

It's a great night from then on. They laugh and they talk and they drink and at some point some of them decide to get up to dance. There's a small dancefloor at the centre of the bar and it's been calling them all night.

"Come on Eddie!" Buck shouts excitedly.

"I..."

"Don't say you don't dance" Hen scoffs. "With that body? No one will believe you."

"Yeah" Chimney adds, nodding drunkenly. "Besides, you can't be worse than the Buckleys over there."

"Oy!" Buck shouts indignantly, but Maddie simply chuckles and shakes her head in defeat. 

"He's kind of right, Buck" his older sister admits.

"Whatever" Buck huffs. "You just don't understand my style."

He then gets up and grabs Eddie's hand, successfully pulling him up. The older man is too taken by surprise to actually resist, and he doesn't have time to protest before Buck is dragging him to the dancefloor and letting go of his hand and moving... well not quite in rhythm with the beat, but earnestly enough it's worth looking at. 

At first Eddie remains completely still, utterly dumbfounded, but as the others join them and start dancing more or less ridiculously and laughing with each other, he loosens up and grins.

"Here, let me teach you" he says as Buck attempts to roll his hips, which ends up being- well, not bad and kinda hot in a weirdly cute way, but not quite successful either. He puts his hands on Buck's hips and the younger man freezes on the spot. "It's okay. I've got you" Eddie reassures him, stepping closer, and Buck relaxes slightly. "Put your hands on my hips and try to feel how they move."

Buck is blushing furiously but he does as he's told. First he doesn't feel anything but then Eddie tells him to close his eyes and focus only on the music and on his hands and he starts to feel it... to feel the way Eddie's hips sway, the way they stop right in time with the music, the way they slide front, back and sideways smoothly, like the music is them and they're the music.

"Good. Now do the same" he hears the other man whisper and oh God, when did he get this close to his ear?

Buck's whole body is on fire. He might have never been hotter in his life and he's been living in California for six years. 

"Yeah, good. That's it. You're doing really well Buck" Eddie whispers again and the praise sends a bottle of electricity through his whole body.

Buck opens his eyes and sure enough Eddie is _right there_ , his body pressed against Buck's, one leg crammed inbetween Buck's owns, his body swaying to the beat. He's already starring at him, his eyes dark and demanding.

Buck so desperately wants to kiss him until Eddie's lips are swollen and he looks wrecked beyond repair, moaning into his mouth.

But just as he's thinking that the older man takes a step back and his hands drop from where they were still holding onto his hips and suddenly Buck's front is left abandoned, the memory of Eddie's warmth already fading.

"I'm thirsty" Eddie tells him sheepishly, and Buck's pretty sure it's not why he pulled back but he shrugs and follows him to the bar, where Eddie asks for a glass of water.

Buck orders another shot, then Chimney joins them and they order a second one, and an hour later he's much more intoxicated when he slides back down on the booth next to Eddie, half sitting on his laps as usual, where he's happily chatting with Josh, Maddie and Chimney and nursing another glass of water.

"Why are you never drunk? Are you having fun, at least? Did I ruin your birth... your you-know-what by making you go out with us?" Buck asks, quite distraught at the idea, a voice in the back of his mind reminding him not to broadcast that it's Eddie's birthday to the entire table.

Eddie laughs quietly and puts a reassuring hand on his thigh. "No, you didn't. I've had a really great night so... thank you. Also, I don't actually need alcohol to have fun. You're entertaining enough."

Buck blinks once, twice, then smiles so brightly it's almost blinding. "Great! I will entertain you in any way I can then!" he shouts happily, jumping up and down excitedly from where he's still half sitting on him. Eddie blushes furiously, which the younger man doesn't seem to notice. Chimney does though and the smirk he sends their way says that he can't _wait_ to tease Buck about it.

"I think you need some air" Eddie says as he starts to level them up.

Buck follows happily, his eyes transfixed on a point where Eddie's hair, dampened by the moistened heat of the place, is curling.

Buck stops in his tracks and the movement has Eddie almost crashing into him as it tugs on the older man's hand, turning him sideways so they're facing each other.

"You have the most stupid hair" Buck says, pulling at a strand that's hanging of the older man's brow. 

"Huh. Do I?" Eddie asks helplessly.

" _Yes_. It's all fluffy and pretty I want to touch it all the time. It's super annoying."

Eddie chuckles softly. "Come on buddy. Let's go outside."

Buck nods earnestly, his smile taking up his whole face, and he tugs on Eddie's hand again, this time skipping cheerfully to the exit. When they get outside and the bar door slams shut behind them the quietness of the night engulfs them and they stand there for a little while, enjoying each other's presence.

"Let's get back to the dorm, yeah?" Eddie offers eventually. Buck simply nods. "Okay. Wait for me here. I'll grab our stuff and tell the others we're leaving."

He's off then and when he gets back out he instinctively slips his arm around Buck's middle and they make their way back to their dorm slowly, walking close together. He unlocks the door with Buck still pressed against his side and then tries to let him go so they can take their shoes off but Buck won't let him.

Instead he pulls Eddie to him and buries his face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry I was such an asshole to you when we first met" Buck blurts out as he looks up, his tone heavy with alcohol. "Wasn't fair to you."

Eddie's smile is so soft he wants to taste it. "It's alright, apologies accepted. I knew you'd come around eventually."

"Still" Buck mumbles, pouting.

Eddie chuckles. "Okay okay. Well, you're right to apologise, you were being a little shit. But it's all good now."

Buck grins to him like a puppy who's just caught his favourite toy and nuzzles into Eddie's shoulder again. "M' glad. Didn't want you to be mad." 

The other man blinks helplessly. "Huh. Come on Buck. Let's get you into bed."

Buck shakes his head where he's still burrowed in Eddie's collarbone. "No" he mumbles, his voice muffled by its proximity with Eddie's skin. "I wanna sleep with you. In your bed."

"Buck..." Eddie warns.

"Please" he whines. 

"You're drunk. You're not in any shape to make that decision."

Buck whines again. "You're so responsible Eddie. Always so responsible. Come on. Live a little. Let yourself be carefree. Let me help you be carefree."

He's doing his signature move, the puppy eyes slash pleading face one, and he knows it's only a matter of time before Eddie's resolve slips away.

Sure enough, he can see him hesitate a little bit. Normally by now Buck would throw in a bit of his charming streak but he's drunk and Eddie has this way of making him lose all his carefully crafted confidence.

So he simply looks up at him, pleading. "Please. I just... I promise I won't try anything. You're straight anyway."

Eddie's face falls. "I..." he starts, hesitant. Buck tugs on his shirt and pushes them slowly towards Eddie's bed.

"Come on. We're friends right? I really don't wanna sleep alone tonight. Please" Buck tries again, his big blue eyes pleading.

Eddie falters then. He presses his nose in between his fingers and sighs. "Ugh. I'm so gonna regret this. But okay."

Buck's little excited jump has them almost falling over. He takes off his socks and pants in a matter of seconds, grabs his sweatpants from his own bed and half jumps on the bed once he's managed to pull them on (laboriously, one might say). As soon as Eddie joins him he snuggles into his arms and instantly falls asleep, a content smile playing on his lips.

**

When he wakes up his tongue is heavy with last night's alcohol and he can feel the beginning of a headache forming behind his eyelids. He groans dejectedly and burrows himself into the warm chest underneath him, inhaling deeply. He's never scented anybody that smelled that good. He has half a mind to bit the skin and taste it.

Then his muddled-thoughts brain catches up with him and he jolts his head up, his bleary blue eyes meeting dark, amused ones.

"Hello there sleepy head."

Eddie's lying down underneath him, his head propped up on his arm, pressed against his pillow.

"Ed... Eddie" he gawks, trying to make sense of the scene before him. 

Memories of last night come flashing in his mind. How he let Eddie carry him into their bedroom and kept brushing his neck with his fingers the whole way. How he nuzzled into his collarbone and almost kissed the skin there. How _he begged him to let him sleep with him in his bed_.

"Hey" Eddie repeats, his tone unsure this time. He begins to worry at his bottom lip, a gesture Buck understands now he does when he's really nervous. "I tried to... last night. Put you into your own bed. But... huh. Nervemind. I'm really sorry that I overstepped any boundaries and I really hope you'll forgive me."

Buck blinks up to him, still gawking. He has no idea what he's going on about. "I have no idea what you're going on about" he tells him so.

Eddie runs a hand through his hair nervously. "You were drunk and it wasn't appropriate of me to... take advantage of it. Even though you thought you wanted to. You know. Sleep in my bed. With me."

Buck shakes his head and plops himself up on his forearm so he can be facing the older man. "Dude. Chill. We just shared a bed. Nothing dramatic. I don't regret it and would have done it sober. If anything, I'm the one who should apologise. I was pushy and annoying and the alcohol wasn't an excuse."

Eddie smirks to him even though he can still see the worry and guilt flowing into his eyes. "Aren't you always?" he teases.

"Fuck you" Buck replies instantly but it's devoid of any heat.

Eddie's whole body stills under him and suddenly the atmosphere shifts, charged with something heavy. Something urgent.

Buck's gaze drops to Eddie's lips as he licks his own. He's remembering how Eddie's strong hands fitted perfectly on his hips and how his body felt pressed flush against his as they danced. He can feel heat pooling in his stomach and urging him to act. He can see Eddie's eyes darken and his cheeks flush as he follows the movement of his lips. Buck's so full with want it's making him dizzy.

His entire body is still pressed against the other man's, a single t-shirt and two pair of sweat pants the only barrier between their skins. He can feel his body move of its own accord, his palms press into the mattress so he can lift himself up to Eddie's level, his face getting closer to the other man's...

"I. Huh. I should go grab a shower" Eddie blurts out nervously. "Didn't get to when we got back last night" he supplies, laughing uncomfortably.

Buck's entire body stiffens and he recoils, embarrassment pooling in his guts, replacing the want he felt mere seconds ago. He feels as though he's been dumped into freezing water.

"Huh. Yeah. Off course" he mumbles, scrambling out of the bed. He stands there helplessly for a second, looking for an escape he knows doesn't exist. "I'm, hum. Gonna go back to bed. Yeah" he says as an afterthought. He can feel himself panicking and he knows for sure Eddie can read all of it on his face.

"Buck..." the other man attempts.

"Enjoy your shower!" Buck blurts out before turning around and hiding himself under his covers, still as he waits for the other man to try and talk to him again. For a second there he thinks he might but then he hears him sigh and level himself off the bed, grabbing his stuff around the room. It's only when the door closes behind him that Buck starts breathing again.

And well, so what if he pretends he's fast asleep when Eddie comes back. Eddie doesn't need to know that.

Goddammit. He's _so_ fucking screwed.

**

Nothing really changes after that but at the same time everything does. Eddie starts coming with them on their weekly nights out more regularly and soon when they say "the whole gang" they mean him, too. They don't bring up what happened that morning- nor the dancing the night before for that matter- again and Buck doesn't make another drunken attempt at sleeping in the same bed as his roommate.

Finals week keeps getting closer and closer and Eddie manages to convince Buck to have study sessions at least twice a week with him ("How did you _do_ that?" Hen asks in bewilderment. Eddie shrugs: "I just asked". Hen eyes Buck suspiciously and he fidgets under her gaze. "You just asked" she repeats, but doesn't insist. He feels her gaze rest heavy on him the rest of night though). They meet at the library and study for a whole two to three hours before meeting the others for drinks or going back to their dorm and having dinner in front of Netflix. On those nights Buck's so exhausted he doesn't even have the energy to scroll through the internet for informations on his latest hyperfixation until 3 a.m. but he feels proud of himself.

For a reason he can't explain Eddie's presence soothes him. Helps him focus through the hyperwired mess that is his brain and actually get shit done.

Buck's so grateful for his presence in his life he feels as though he's choking on it.

The main problem with all of this? Well now he can't deny it anymore. He can't play the 'he's just really fucking hot okay, and all I'm feeling is pure lust' card anymore.

He's fallen in love with Eddie. Hard.

And the other man doesn't love him back.

He passes all of his classes, which is nothing short of a miracle, and then they all say goodbye for the winter holidays. Eddie's going back to Texas for the whole break and Buck wants to kiss him goodbye but he hugs him instead. He spends Christmas eve with Bobby, Athena, May, Harry and Maddie and Hen joins them for lunch on Christmas day.

The second term starts and when Buck opens his dorm room and Eddie's there, sitting in his chair, it takes his breath away. 

His feelings haven't been tamped down but Eddie still seems intent on pretending that nothing ever happened so he does so as well.

And so he starts sleeping with anyone he finds remotely cute in the hope of... in the hope of what exactly, making Eddie jealous or getting him out of his organism, he doesn't know, but he does it anyway.

He continues to go out every Saturday night with Chimney as well and brings a different person to their dorm room when he knows Eddie's at the gym or at the library. More often than not the brown-haired student either walks in on them or just as the person is leaving their dorm but if it bothers him he doesn't say anything about it. It pisses Buck off for some reason.

He finds himself doing it twice with the same girl, a red-head called Taylor, who's five years older than he is, studying journalism and downright an asshole, but he doesn't mind because she's good enough she almost takes his mind off things- almost.

Eddie walks in on them both times. The second time Taylor gets up, half-naked still, grabs her bra from where it's lying on the floor and walks up to Eddie, looking leerily at him. The older man just nods to the door and she sneers, puts on her shirt and throws a "see you later" over her shoulder without looking back.

The way Eddie is staring at him silently makes him fret.

He feels ashamed, for some reason. 

And so it makes him angry.

"What?" he barks, defiant. 

Eddie jolts and his eyes widen. "Nothing" he mutters, and then grabs his backpack and leaves the room.

But it's not nothing, Buck thinks, and soon he's back to where they started, pushing Eddie and taunting him and challenging him. He stops sleeping with people altogether but it's only because his mind is focused entirely on Eddie, intent on making him cave.

And one day he does.

The end of the year is drawing to a close, exams right around the corner again (how did this even happen? It was January two hours ago), and Buck can't believe he's almost done with his first year of college already. His nineteenth birthday is coming up, the week right after his last exams. It's been nine month and it seems so long and so short, time expanding and closing in on him all at once, playing tricks on his mind.

They're at the library, each studying for their last exam of the year. Eddie's been moody all day, closed off, certainly pissed off because he ruined his chances with that girl, Ana, after he almost bit her head off because they'd been having a disagreement on positive discrimination politics. Eddie had been genuinely upset at the time so Buck hadn't pushed him but now? Now teasing him's simply been a blast.

They're somewhere around the back of the enormous library, looking for books on learning disabilities - Buck because he's tired of studying English literature and wants to learn stuff that will actually be useful to him when he's a primary school teacher and Eddie... well Buck's not sure why Eddie needs books on that because he doesn't really like to go into details about his major but nevertheless he does - and Buck makes another joke about Eddie's flirting skills.

"Oh my god Buck will you shut up?" he half-shouts, half-whispers, clearly losing his patience. His eyes are flaring up with anger and annoyance.

The library's almost empty, most people already done with their exams, and the section they're in is completely deserted.

Buck's been waiting for this for months.

"Make me" he shoots back, licking his lips as he does. Eddie's eyes follow the movement feverishly.

And then the older man is moving and Buck's back is slamming against the wall, crammed inbetween two shelves, and Eddie's _kissing him like there's no tomorrow_. It's messy and angry and wild, all tongue and teeth and teeth biting at his bottom lip and heavy breaths and the tip of a tongue tracing a path on his mouth forcefully and Buck is _loving it_. He's kissing back eagerly, enjoying the feeling of Eddie's strong hands cupping his face, the feeling of his body pressed flush against him, the feeling of Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. He lets out small whimpers every time Eddie's teeth find his lips and gasps when Eddie tugs at the short hair on the back of his neck, opening his mouth and letting Eddie's tongue press inside, soft, warm, ecstatic. 

He feels as though he's waited his whole life for this kiss. 

He's hungry for more and his hands, firmly holding onto Eddie's sides until then, start roaming his torso helplessly over his shirt and then they find its hem and soon his fingers are pressing at the warm, firm skin under it. Eddie's whole body shudders as they do and he growls into his mouth, which makes something hot simmer in the pit of Buck's stomach. He can feel the skin hardening under his touch, breaking into goose bumps, the abs flexing uncontrollably at the contact. It makes Buck dizzy, to think Eddie's body is reacting that way to _him_. He wants to explore this, to see all the ways Eddie might bend and break for him and all the ways he might do the same to him. He craves for it. 

He kisses him hungrily, desperate. His hands slid to Eddie's back, to the heavy, strong muscles there and the feeling of them moving and shifting powerfully underneath his hands has him gasping drunkenly for air. Eddie's mouth leaves his lips and before he can protest they start tracing patterns on his neck, dropping kisses, sometimes sucking sometimes nibbling at the skin there. Then they're back on his and Buck moans into the kiss shamelessly, open and eager. 

He's ready to give everything to Eddie.

But then he's met with cold hair and a lack of lips on his and he whimpers at the sudden absence of contact.

"Eddie" he whines, tucking at the hem of his shirt, chasing after him. The dark haired man chuckles and frustration flares in Buck's stomach. So he lowers his head until his mouth is fitting itself right at the junction between Eddie's neck and collarbone and he bites. Hard. The older man gasps and goes boneless against him as Buck begins to suck and worry at the skin here, intent on leaving a mark.

"B... Buck..." It's half a protest, half a plea. Buck smirks against his skin and bites again before soothing the skin with his tongue. He sucks on the soft spot there, Eddie breathing heavily against him. Then he bites again and Eddie lets out a moan he's sure is gonna fill his dreams for the next six months. He wants to hear that sound again.

But then strong hands are on his shoulders and Eddie groans, stepping out of his grasp. "Buck. Wait."

Buck growls. He doesn't want to wait. He's waited enough.

Eddie chuckles again. Smiles sweetly at him and cups his face in his hand, his thumb rubbing his cheekbone lightly. Buck can't help but melt into the touch. "We're in the library, Buck" ( _So?_ the younger man wants to ask). "Also, I think we're past hate sex, aren't we? We both deserve better than that. And we need to talk about... this, before we go further. Whatever _this_ is" he continues, pointing to himself then Buck with his finger. "I wanna do things right."

And ugh. This man. "You're too responsible" Buck grumbles, but he turns his head slightly and kisses the palm of Eddie's hand, soft and tender. He reaches for his other hand and squeezes once. "Unf. I hate it that you're right" he sighs, making a face. 

Eddie wiggles his eyebrows. "Aren't I always?"

"You're insufferable." Buck grumbles, rolling his eyes. God does he want to kiss him again. God does he wants to hear him losing himself in the kiss again.

Eddie scoffs. "I think we've established that of the two of us I'm most certainly not the insufferable one."

Buck groans. "Oh, shut up."

Eddie opens his mouth to retort but before he can Buck is throwing him a warning look. "If you say 'make me' I am taking your clothes off. And probably scarring the librarian for life in the process."

Eddie closes and opens his mouth. Seems to consider the idea, his gaze travelling from Buck's plumped, wrecked lips to his neck and collarbone, then his tight shirt. Swallows with difficulties. "Huh."

Buck throws him his most daring, flirtatious smile. Takes a step closer and lower his head until his lips are brushing against Eddie's ear. "So. You were saying?"

Eddie shudders and closes his eyes. "I hate you" he breathes out, barely a whisper.

"No you don't " Buck sing-song cheekily, pulling back and pressing a soft kiss on his cheek befire all but prancing away. 

He's halfway down the alley when Eddie calls out to him. "Buck?"

He turns around, a questioning look on his face. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

Buck's smile then could light up the whole world for weeks. "I love you too Eddie." 

Later they get back to their dorm, kissing softly, slowly. They have all the time in the world, after all, to discover each other, their minds, their body, and maybe for tonight that's more than enough, Buck thinks.

He can learn to take things slow if it means he gets to be with Eddie. 

Eddie makes him slow down anyway. He makes him pause and he makes him calmer.

They keep on kissing, Buck's back pressed against their door, until Eddie mumbles "we should probably go to bed. We both have an exam tomorrow" against his lips.

Buck can't help but whine as the other pulls off him but nods along, aware Eddie's right. He bites his lips, suddenly nervous. "Can I, hum..."

Eddie tilts his head curiously. "Yes?"

"Can I... can I sleep in your bed tonight?" he asks timidly.

Eddie smiles softly to him, intertwining their fingers. "Yes" he answers quietly, and guides them blindly to his bed, his hands never leaving Buck's. 

As they fall asleep, Eddie's frame warm against his back, Buck's mind is soothed and quiet like it hasn't been in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> to my fellow neurodivergent friends out there the app buck's using is called atmosphere and u can find it on android (apple i don't know). it's super nice to use, you can mix different sounds from different atmospheres (my fav are the forest and deep see sounds) and they have what's called binaural and isochronic sounds which are basically... waves frequencies that help your brain dealing with stuff??? like they have one for reducing stress and anxiety and its my best friend now. they have an entire extension of the app dedicated to binaural sounds, which is the one buck's using in the fic. i highly recommend it if you have trouble focusing / sleeping / deal with anxiety, etc. 
> 
> as always this is not beta read and i am not a native speaker so please do tell me if you find grammatical errors/typos! comments and kudos are always welcomed :)
> 
> and you can find me [here](https://deciduousellie.tumblr.com) if you ever wanna come and say hi or discuss my adhd!buck headcanon (i have a lot of feels about this) or, idk, go crazy bc you don't get how buddie is not canon already either.


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